Working Girl!

After ten months of disability and one invasive surgery, this gimpy-hipped girl is officially going back to work tomorrow!

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Normalcy! It's returning to my life! I will have a reason to get up in the morning (although morning is going to come really early after ten months of sleeping in). I will be making money for a change. I will get to see my beloved senior population again. (I have missed senior citizens like crazy. Dan can attest that I stop in the mall to smile at old people and babies). I get to be a nurse again instead of a patient. I've really missed the structure and sense of purpose work brought to my life, and I've especially missed being able to help someone, instead of someone who gets helped.

I am very happy about going back to work and getting my life back, albeit a little nervous: what if I don't know anyone to talk to in the break room? What if I can't remember which drug is for gout and which drug is for blood pressure? What if I can't balance the schoolwork for my Master's program with working fulltime? What if none of the patients like me? What if my hip gets really fatigued really quickly and I just can't do it?  I think my scariest fear of all is: what if the pain comes back? What if the pain starts in my other hip? What if I need another surgery? What if, what if, what if?

 

Those 'What if' questions are all legitimate realities I might have to face, and they're all intimidating in their own way. I've come to realize that different 'What if' questions will always haunt me in different phases of my life. I can't ever get rid of the anxiety associated with the unknown, but I can cope with whatever 'What if' life throws at me. I mean, in the last ten months I've had to deal with chronic pain, immobility, the stigma of disability, and literally learning how to walk all over again - 'What ifs' I never would have dreamed of a couple of years ago - and never would have believed that I could cope with. Because of the last ten months, I am ready to unflinchingly face all of my 'What ifs.' I am going to continue to be a rockstar physio patient. I am going to continue to rule at school. And, I am going to kick ass at my job tomorrow.

(I have watched this video more than once and may have cried).