Nurses Make the Worst Patients. Fact.

Guaranteed that whenever a nurse reads in a patient's profile that they are a Registered Nurse, that nurse will say F-ck. Here's why.

1) Could you wash your hands please?

2) Hmm, that's not the vein I would have chosen.

3) What's my hemoglobin today? What was it yesterday? How's my sodium? What's my creatinine trending? Did they do a thyroid draw? Can you make sure they get one today? Thanks. Oh, good morning.

4) So I don't mean to be annoying, but you just touched the computer. And that patient. Could you please wash your hands?

5) Actually, best policy states that only three bed rails should be up on that demented patient. See, all four side rails will increase risk of falls.

6) Are we sure that's still sterile?

7) Oh I don't take unpackaged meds, sorry. I need to know what I'm taking. You can open them at the bedside, thanks.

8) I'm pretty sure I smell c-diff.

9) I don't care what the resident says. He is an idiot. Page the attending.

10) You know I'm that patient. Just wash your hands when you see me.

Of course nurses are also the most patient and understanding patients when the floor is madness. They're on top of their health and motivated to get out of the hospital. Usually they're sweet and appreciative - albeit particular - and their partners bring in awesome treats for the staff. I'll be in hospital during nurses week (I think) so I'll be extra appreciative. But please wash your hands.