Gah! Tomorrow is the Day!!!

I imagine the nerves before you get married are pretty intense; after all, you're yoking your life to someone else's for the rest of time. The nerves can't possibly compare to what I'm feeling right now. I feel even worse than that nauseating dread I got before piano exams and recitals. I'm breathing like a smoker; my hands have this fine tremor; and I'm singing a weird ditty under my breath from a computer game we played as kids, N & N Toymakers. The game featured an egomaniacal cat who takes control over Santa's Workshop. Neowneow (the cat) forces his elf-slaves to sing: what a luck-luck-luck-luck-lucky day that you came our way. I'm singing that, but with swear words.

I'm beyond feeling anything. I'm just caught in this paralyzing anticipation. I-don't-want-to-go-tomorrow. Blearheilimugisolajiop. Bleariabpaty. Bloooopb. My brain isn't making words, just letter blobs. Blear blabitty poop.

I've got my hospital bag all ready to go: got my meds, muu-muu, tooth brush, young adult novel and sensible clogs for physio. I'm having my last dinner tonight with the fam, and all members of said fam are actually in town. But I know that I make the worst company right now. When people talk to me all I want to do is cry but at the same time I don't want to cry anymore, so I don't say much or breathe deeply because if I do I will emit ragged sobs. I must look really constipated. I've got some MET Gala coverage to read but otherwise I'm ready for today to be over so tomorrow, the event I've been waiting for/dreading for five months, can just happen already. But really and truly I don't want today to be over and I don't want the stupid surgery and it isn't fair that this is happening to me blarrg blaaah blip blap snioenios.

Moving on from letter blobs, I've always suspected that animals, even cats, perceive the currents of emotional energy that run rampant through us. Gizmo, my fatty, is a little moody with his affection. Since I've been home on disability he's like: God, why the hell are you home all the time? I can't sleep if you're constantly molesting/petting me. However, the last couple of days he's been keeping an eye on me: sleeping in the same room that I'm in; waking me up at four in the morning to sit on my chest, purr loudly and nuzzle his face in my neck. Late this morning he lay across my chest like a fat little sausage, as if he knew I needed the extra pets and compression.

Thank you to everyone who has been reading my posts! I'm touched that I've been able to connect with so many people from different parts of my life. I've gotten way more page views than I ever thought I would - so of course now I'm fame hungry. Tell all your friends about my blog! Let's make hip dysplasia go viral! Sincerely, I appreciate all the good vibes being sent my way. I'll be sure to send out a drug influenced post as soon as I can.

Bon chance!